the satire

"The upscale department store Neiman Marcus has announced it's going to cut 400 jobs across the United States because of slumping sales.

Currently, a spokesperson for the store said the company had its own stimulus package, but she went back to govern Alaska last November."

--THE SATIRE 01.14.09

just another winter day

This week I realized only in this town would you see your neighbour barbecuing out on his balcony on a day when temperatures dropped to -25C.

falling off the wagon

After all this time, I'm not sure how I missed the fact that Obama was/is a smoker. So today I was pretty surprised to hear him admit to falling off the wagon in his quest to quit smoking.

I'm trying to figure out why this information is so disconcerting. Maybe it's because smoking seems to represent the antithesis of Obama. Over the past two years he's been attacked on every level, baited with every ploy, but never wavered. He stuck to his message and plan with an almost superhuman control and discipline. And this discipline wasn't limited to his public life. Whether it was how he made time for his family or how he managed to run 3 miles a day and play basketball in the midst of the frenzied campaign, there was no shortage of resolve.

In light of his character, the thought of him unable to stop smoking naturally leads to some cognitive dissonance. On the other hand, maybe it simply shows he's human after all, vices included.

the week in lessons

Since each day is chalked full of new and fascinating discoveries, I figure it’s about time to start noting some of them down. So let me review my lessons of the past week.

1. Friday at midnight is not Friday night. Obvious? You’d think so, but apparently not to me. Consequently, I signed up to volunteer from midnight to 4am on Friday morning, which resulted in me getting approximately 3 hours of sleep before a very painful day at work.

2. Counting backwards is harder than it seems. As a side job, I’m learning to be a production assistant at work. You count backward to give the director cues so that the show runs smoothly. In theory, a simple task. In reality, a mite bit difficult and more than a little stressful. But in a couple of weeks, I might be calling it simple again.

3. Drivers in Ontario need to take a cue from Albertans. I actually learned this lesson last year. There’s just one rule you need to remember over there. Cars never stop for pedestrians. Not in parking lots, not on campus, definitely not when jaywalking. But now that I’m back in Alberta, I’ve decided jaywalking to work is crucial in allowing me to hit the snooze button one more time. I don’t expect, nor want cars to stop for me, and yet that’s exactly what they do. I can’t get used to it. Must be all those near death Ontario experiences.

election scars

Five expressions I never want to hear again:

1. Pork barrel earmarks
2. Hockey mom
3. Joe the plumber
4. Maverick
5. The greatest economic crisis since the great depression

the making of a monster

So there I am innocently reading the news when a headline catches my eye: The Making of a Monster. Automatically I link the article to Sarah Palin. I was wrong of course; the piece had nothing to do with the elections. But the image was ingrained in my mind. Suddenly the whole Republican VP selection process seemed analogous to Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Okay so I'm being a little dramatic, but there are some humorous parallels if we outline the main plot of the two tales:

1) In a daring attempt to produce the perfect human, Victor Frankenstein creates an unknown being who brings great power.

In a daring attempt to select the perfect VP candidate, John McCain chooses an unknown entity who brings great power to the Republican ticket.

2) Frankenstein realizes he made a mistake and is disgusted at the hideous monster. He runs away from it.

McCain realizes he might have made a mistake. Palin is incompetent and her interviews hideous. McCain locks her away and muzzles her.

3) Monster tries to succeed at friendship, but fails over and over again.

Palin tries not to make a fool of herself when speaking, but fails over and over again.

4) Monster is angry and realizes his power and ability to make demands.

Palin realizes her power with the far right, so with regained confidence she demands to be free.

5) Monster ruins Frankenstein's dreams by killing the doctor's friends. The ultimate betrayal occurs.

Palin helps ruin McCain's dreams by disregarding advisers, contradicting her running mate and going 'rogue.' The ultimate betrayal is alleged by insiders claiming she's after the Whitehouse in 2012.

6) Frankenstein's life goal becomes to save humanity from the menace. But then he dies and the monster cries for forgiveness. Monster runs away to the North Pole never to be heard from again.

Okay, I guess the end has yet to be written. So no assumptions will be made about McCain going after Palin's career to save humanity, nor about her eventual surrender and retreat to the North.

a duplicitous eloquence?

I hate to bring everything back to politics, but my train of thought originates from presidential debate number three. McCain all but equated eloquence with duplicity. Eloquence was manipulation in disguise. Yet I can’t help but see eloquence as a great quality--one that North American leaders have noticeably lacked in recent years.

For example, shortly after the war in Iraq began I heard George Bush and Tony Blair give their war rationale on the radio. In my opinion, Bush sounded polarizing, reckless and simple minded. On the other hand Blair sounded rational, thoughtful and intelligent. Yet both speeches had similar content and were justifying the same actions. Now I didn't agree with either of them, but at least I could somewhat respect where the latter was coming from. Blair’s eloquence didn't change or manipulate my opinion on the war, but rather than cringe at his words at least I could value his perspective.