a racial discovery

I think the US elections are making me racist.

As I tuned in for round two of the presidential debate my heart inexplicably started pounding and my hands got clammy. Obviously I'm getting way too involved in another country's politics.

But as the camera swept from Brokaw to McCain and then to Obama, I had a sudden rush of heightened racial awareness. Brokaw and McCain suddenly seemed very white. I noticed the first question came from an older white man, while the second came from a young black man. I wondered if their race would affect their choice.

Then there was McCain who was oddly rude toward his fellow candidate. The lack of eye contact, the disdain in accusations, the referral to Obama as 'that one'--lots of fodder for political analysts. But I couldn't help question McCain's strong dislike of his opponent considering he preaches about his ability to reach out to Democrats and his record of bipartisanship. I wondered...is it because of race? In all likelihood I don't think it is, or more accurately I really have no idea. But that's irrelevant. The point is at every turn I was not only thinking about race, but it suddenly seemed like a big deal.

Twenty years of growing up in a small town and being the only non-white kid in the class never made me this aware of race. At first I was shocked (perhaps naively) at how big a deal it was for the US to have an African American running for president. Now I realize how my own thinking started to shift after immersing myself in American media and politics over the past few months. Their history has obviously created a much different dynamic than we have as their northerly neighbors. But it's a bit scary how innocuously these thoughts of race can come in and dominate your mind. I do have to say I am a little relieved that while my heart would never start pounding when I look toward our own upcoming elections, at least race is the last thing on my mind.